thanks to her

this is dedicated to the specialED her

Is because of her
I know the meaning of true friend

Is because of her
I know the meaning of Principle in Life

Is because of her
I know when to set limits

Is because of her
I know blessing is more than contemplating

Is because of her
I know what's quality means

Is because of her
I know what's the meaning of Sarcasicm (correct spelling?)

Is because of her
I know what's the meaning of JUDGE

Is because of her
I know there are more doors waiting for me

Is because of her
I know what's well kept - memories

Is because of her
I know what's the meaning of let go

Is because of her
I know that only true bypass can be Friend Forever

Is because of her sophiscated
I know that i search for Simplicity

Is because of her
Is because of her

I know myself better

Is because of her
I see more clearly

Is because of her
I know nothing can be compare

Is because of her
I know nothing can be replacable but Change

Is because of her
Is because of her

I choose who to dedicate NOW

time will tell

it happens...

as the wise say..let bygone be bygone
forgive and forget
unlearn and relearn
time will heal

I SAY TIME WILL TELL

time will tell, every inch and ouch of effort i spend on the years of building
time will tell, fools can demolishED within 24 hours
time will tell, had my foundation laid not solid
time will tell fools how they feel
time will tell fools how they treated me
time will tell for FLAME cant be fight
time will tell my CHI can build back
time will tell, i learnt the most of my life in 2004 than any other
time will tell, those who mis-use the meaning of Friends Forever
time will tell, those who mis-use the meaning of Respect
time will tell...
time will tell...

once A friend, indeed close enough..yea closED said one day i will realize and apologize to her.i told her 'don't you worry, time will tell...

after days,weeks, months and now year...
never did i take back the words i said for
i have not utter a word of GOODBYE
but she did...
i hold no regret...
cause when 1 door closED, a few openED to me
and i fallen but i GROW stronger
and i bleed BUT my immune system is stronger
and i Cried but NOW i cry for Friends but not FriendED
and i was Sad but now I feel Enlighten
and i cursed but Now i bless

sometimes

sometimes..i can gaze on just 1 pic and let my mind runs amok
sometimes..i can manifest all the energy try to picture hard about that certain being

everytime...i see being in my dream
everytime...i see being hunting me
i guess i needed being much
i make myself believe that being's there

what have i done?
he seem to move on easy
everytime i try to fly
everytime i try to fight
everytime i lost to the battle
everytime i try my best to fight
everytime i get a bounch

has my weakness casues me grieve
has my ...

at night i pray
soon you be away in my memories
soon i be able to fly high
soon i be free
soon i no longer be hunted

but i guess NOW i still need being

story of Past

during college years will be my most suffering years

i have the allowance of a 12 years old girl perhaps she has more than i do.
i have RM 60.00 per week which included, transportation fees, meals (sometimes up to 3 meals a day) material fees as i studied in desinging field.
those days were hell miserably
i work in cafe which only get paid by the hours as i work.
per hour i get 3.50
dad stop me from working for as i neglected the house chores
so i worked as freelance graphic designer..yet the income is not healthy

i lost count and lost track how i manage to stayput
there are times i get lucky, friends will send me to college and pick me up
there are times i get lucky, friends will spend me meal when i have nothing to eat
there are times i get bad luck, walking home alone in the middle of the night with no street lamps and stray dogs are everywhere
there are times i get bad luck, when raining seasons hit me, all my hard work drained off..
there are times i get bad luck, that .....

but then i come across to think about a speaker once said
luck is not pure luck is unconsciounsly the effort we put in which bring unconscious result

L ocation U nderstanding C onnection K nowledge

which comes to think about it..is true
for the location i stayed, i get the connection of friends..from friend's friend
they understand my situation..i understand my own situation as well
they got my knowledge...they come and pick me...

so then..nothing equal to luck then? supposingly ..unless is lottery...magnum, 3D, 4D....

hhhmm....

Must Read !!!!

came through this small tiny book..with the tittle Sing, Dance, Rejoice. Atuk said it will be boring to read this. but i keep my pessistance.

Turn out to be devine.


As i absorb through chapters. A man is out looking for a master to find truth of the world, and seek out an advice that given by the old man,the old man told him that how does the master looks like, what he's wearing, where he would be, when he would found the old man...every fine detail the old man could give.

The young man traveled from coast to coast, river bank to another 1..in seek of the Master.Been cheated, Been exploited a couple of times...frustrated and annoyed that is been 30 years ..home he went.

As he reaching home. He saw the old man. The exact old man. Then he consciouness tell me, this is the man. the man who told me. Then he was 30 now he is 60plus and the old man is alrady 90 plus...

God, this is the man he described..the man feels uneasy, all these while ge been absolutely unconscious about when the old man explianted..it was him, himself that he described. He asked the old man, what's the joke? thirty years he's been wandering in the dessert, moutain and the old man knew it!!

He couldnt believe nor understand. He went up to the Old man and seek for explaination.

'Why didn't you tell me it was you then?'

The old man replied" what i know do not matter. The most important question is Do you know it. I described it perfectly but you had to go through all these years of wandering, and now you are bothering about the 30 years you spent. What bout me? i been here since the day you left...waiting patience for you little fool.

The story is simple...i hope people who read this, can absorb better than i do.

Is true when the saying says, when the student is ready, the master will appear.
Is true when the saying says, there are so many kind hearted people out there willing to reach out yet because all the fools are all unconscious.

" Even if Gautama Buddha comes and knock on your doors, are you going to receive him or juts make a lauhingstocks of him??

...IF....Will I

if i needed to fall twice,tripple or more
Will i still want it?

if i broke for the whole year
Will i still want it?

if hurting is more than enjoying
Will i still want it?

If i need to sow and sow and sow
Will i still want it?

If impossible seem possible
Will i still want it?

If i be the laughing stock
Will i still want it?

If no-one support me
Will i still want it?

If i cry and cried alone in the middle of the night
Will i still want it?

If ....
if.....

I will for i see myself enjoying in later years
I will for i see myself suffer only for a year or two
I will for nothing is impossible if i want it badly
I will for no- one will be there when i'm all alone
I will for i wanted poeple to look upon me than just mere looks
I will for i wanted to prove to the world, sky is the limit
I will for i wanted to bring my precious to tour around the world
I will for the stray dogs waiting for my rescue
I will for i do not want to live in poverty again
I will for i do not want to live a day bypass a day
I will for i wanted to see where's my limit
I will for i hunger for success
I will for i nearly tasted it...
I will for i wanted to be a living proof
I will for i wanted a luxurious life

So

I must handle criticsm
I must handle down-pit
I must be bitten,torn down
I must go through the hardest
I must fall in order to rise
I must sow sow sow sow endlessly to reap 1 huge lump
I must
I must!!!!!!!

there must be a way

there must be a way
that i could out score this
there must be a way
that is a win win situation
there must be a way
that i can be immortal
there must be a way
that i could spread my inspiration around
there must be a way
the above can hear my calling
there must be a way
that i can do it with minimal scars
there must be a way
to let you know all above this
there must be a way
that i can make this blog meaningful
there must be a way
that i can achieve what i want

It must be a Correct way Then!