How come...

How i hate it ....very much....deep down my spine!

I don't really enjoy going home, it makes my mind return to the days i was mentally tortured. I left home with high hope, swore to myself only returning when i have a big gold dime in hand where i have the authority of speaking loud, walking with chest up although i hunch and basically floating thru SIEW family.

I was at home yesterday for dinner and to dig out my college cert. My man asked ' how come your cert isnt hanging out?' 'How comes there isn't any photo of your graduation but i saw 2 pictures of your relative proudly hanging in living room' 'how come...' 'how come...'

How come...

i never knew nor know...

Basically, i gave up millions of questions that will wreck my heart and causing me to cry finally leads to 1 tunnel. I'M bearing SIEW surname too...but how ironic life it is, 7 years younger than me, with studies result poorer than me, 1st day of getting a probation license leads to banging the car onto tree trunk, many more...can have more privileged than me just because i don't bear a dick but a set of boobs!

Phone rings, grandma over the line, excited talking loudly, ' grandpa saw jern on billboard, wearing blackk shirt...wa....so wai shui...the billboard so big...so grand...don't knpw how much their are paying jern' ' you saw?'

i replied sarcastically i was on TV too, i was even on Magazine...i didn't get this 'wu-ha' treatment from any 1 of you. She proclaim ' this is different. JERN IS ON TV, ARE YOU ON TV? so i replied yes! few times for doing commercial.

she ignore me. Her objective was to tell my dad, since my dad is out, she just hung up.

I told myself million times, never again to lift a hope thinking i was a real SIEW when my own clan doesn't treat me as 1.

I shall start to have my own skin, my own home, my own hope and a family to call my own! my own!